I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
