He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
