So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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