I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
