I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
