So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
