some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
