Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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