Say something about gay babies.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
