so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
