Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize