So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
