May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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