I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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