I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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