I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
