I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you win again, gameday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
