this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
