Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
