He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
