similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My life is pants optional.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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