I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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