i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
