Just cropdusted the office
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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