You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
