She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every concussion has its silver lining
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize