After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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