You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
