Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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