wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
