today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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