for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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