Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
