His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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