i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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