He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
