All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ketchup is God's man juice
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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