dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
