dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
