You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
