my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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