Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
