My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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