Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
