The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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