Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
