WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
