homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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