I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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