she was so not down for the gang bang
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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