she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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