I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
