just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
