Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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