Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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