The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
