he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
