You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
