Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize