Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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