***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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