Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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