I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
