In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We are two peas in an std pod
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
