New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
