Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
