i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
