Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
