So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
