none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
