so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
