i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
