Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize