I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
