Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
