Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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