it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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