I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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