Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
