i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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