On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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