sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
