There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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