I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
