we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
