I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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