I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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