Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
