great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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