Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize