party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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