His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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