Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
