I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize