i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
