But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
