ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
