i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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