He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
