Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
