Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
